How To Read A Long Book

OK. I personally don't have any trouble with reading books of any length, however there are some people out there who take one look at a book with over 300 pages and, quite frankly, get scared poohless.

So I am going to offer my advice on the subject, just because I want more readers in the world, TV is fun, and so is sport and computers, but reading a long book is one of the best time-passes I know of. When ever I'm travelling large distances, say, 12 hour car trips at a time, for around a week (and of course when I'm not driving) I grab a few of my thickest, favourite books and plow through them.

Step 1: Tell yourself that reading is reading. Once you can read, you can read. Tell yourself that this is nothing, it's just a book right? And you can read smaller books can't you? Why should this be any different?

Step 2: go into your room, one Saturday, with a book that, for some reason or another (e.g. sounds really interesting, assignment on it due in soon, peer pressure) you have to read. Make yourself comfortable on your bed and just don't think about how long it is. Split it into hundred-page sections and take a break when you reach the end of every section.


And there you go! You've read it in no time flat (or 4-5 hours...) see now it wasn't that bad was it?

~Ambiguity

How To Walk In High Heels

High heels are nasty, horrid, painful, sexist creations of Hell, but being able to walk in them can be a useful skill for every girl.
I can--sort of...
ANYway I know enough to write my first how to.

First step. Grab a pair of your mothers' lowest high heels, preferably with chunky heels, not those little sticks that are oh-so common.

If your feet are just a little too small but enough so your heel comes out every time you lift your foot--tape the shoe firmly to your foot. (use wide masking tape or duct tape, not that thin sticky-tape)

If your feet are too large or too small, I'm sorry but you're gonna have to buy your own. (at least you won't have to use the tape)

If the shoes fit perfectly, LUCKY YOU!

For those of you with balance issues: find some knee and elbow pads or something.

Now find some flat cement (yes, you pansy, the hard stuff, the soft carpet or grass is too difficult to start with) and walk. My advice is heel-toe (as long as you have chunky heels) After your falling rate per minute has lowered to zero and that continues for a few minutes, move on to carpet.

After your falling rate per minute has lowered to zero with that for around five minutes, move on to grass and/or a slope and repeat. Then try going up-and-down steps.

Make your way up to higher heels and repeat the last few paragraphs.

When you're done with chunky then you can go on to things like those orange heels I have a picture of. Do the same as with the chunky heels, except I think toe-heel (yes I know it's weird but you'll get used to it) this time.

Now off you go and learn how to walk in high heels, damn things...

~Ambiguity